should you break up with dating apps?

It’s a personal question that might involve many factors. Are dating apps and the people you meet through them fun and interesting? Do apps fit your lifestyle better than meeting people out in public? What are you looking for on these apps?

These are all questions worth asking. The answers will vary drastically based on where you are in life and perhaps your past experiences and successes on apps.

Here are some things to consider if you’re also contemplating a ‘break-up’ with apps:

Loving couple holding hands

Does dating on apps feel like a chore?

Online and app dating, in particular, can get discouraging. It can start to feel like a drain or a chore, or it becomes something we’re doing because it feels like the only way to meet people.

When it gets to that point where dating, at least casually, becomes more work and less fun, then I say enough. For some people, it might stay fun and interesting for a while. Maybe I’ve been on too many underwhelming dates on apps. I’m not complaining about this either, just recognizing patterns from the types of situations I put myself in.

Do you find yourself ghosting people or getting ghosted a lot?

Ghosting seems especially pervasive on apps because our attention is so scattered. I’ve done it to plenty of men of apps and lots of them have done it to me too: dropped off a conversation with no word or explanation. It’s bound to happen when you’re talking to ten people at once. It doesn’t feel like a big deal when you’ve never met the person, or when you’ve only gone on a date or two, but over time it starts to get annoying.

You wonder: what am I doing this for?

I can come up with plenty of reasons for the ‘swipe left and right’ type of dating. Because we’re addicted to it. It’s a confidence boost. It’s an adrenaline rush when hot guys or hot girls also think we’re cute. We’re bored. We’re lonely. We want something casual. We don’t have time to go out and meet people in person. We really do have earnest intentions to meet someone cool to date, but how can we ever tell what the people we’re talking to on these apps are looking for.

I guess some of these reasons can apply to dating that began from real life encounters as well, but I digress…

If it were up to you (and it is!) where would you prefer to meet people?

Real life ‘meet-cutes’ are important to me, and that ‘how we met’ story is lost in the world of online dating and relationships that begin over the internet. This may seem like a superficial thing (and maybe it is), but as a writer, good stories mean a lot to me.

Confidence is also an important quality to me, and something you can assess more easily in person. When guys have the guts to come up and talk to me or ask for my number it’s one indicator that they have some self-confidence and think they bring something to the table. Especially in this age where we’re glued to our phones, the simple act of approaching a woman in real life speaks volumes.

That said, real life ‘meet cutes’ are hard to find these days. Is it realistic to bank on my next relationship starting with a guy I meet in line at the grocery store, the bus stop, an airplane, or even out at an event in town?

Maybe you do prefer online…

I’m not bashing dating apps – just trying to delve into the patterns I’ve noticed while using them. I know a lot of people who have met their significant others and even spouses via online dating and dating apps. Maybe these people know how to use apps better than I do, maybe they are more persistent or consistent in their efforts, or maybe they simply got lucky.

I have to believe that luck has a lot to do with it when swiping through dozens of random people on hinge or bumble, or even encountering potential suitors out “in the wild.”

What are the pros and cons?

I haven’t been on a dating app since last fall, and now I’m weighing whether going on one would improve my life, or make my quality of life worse.

Would I meet a few cool people and go on some fun dates? Would one of them lead somewhere? Or, would the series of micro-disappointments that come from ghosting and being ghosted and going on a lot of weird or boring dates be too much?

Is it better to try to meet people in person where you can instantly pick up on their level of social skills, self-awareness, attractiveness, and chemistry? Or, is meeting online better since we have more of an opportunity to do research prior to a date, to weed out people with our “dealbreakers” right from the start?

 

What is your experience with online dating… Generally positive? Negative? Or something in between?

xxx

– la fille americaine

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